"Yeah," says Carmy, all the fight gone out of him. He reaches up and idly scratches his nails along the back of Richie's scalp, feeling a little blurry again about being touched gently. About being a thorny cunt and then being touched gently anyway. God.
He likes being nose to nose, not quite kissing, just studying the expression in the shadow of Richie's eyes as he feels fingers probe somewhere hot and personal. He's getting hard again, far more for the romance than the ass touching. "You make me feel really good," he whispers. Arcs his hips up a little, plants his heel, holds there with his abdomen taut. There's less tension inside him though, muscles going hot and loose and inviting for Richie's hand as Carmy"s lashes flutter. "You.. know I love you too, right?"
Turns out there's a big difference to saying I love you to your cousin who isn't your cousin when you're shouting over the lunch rush or in the middle of a fight or on the phone after a long shift, and saying I love you while you're less than an inch away from his mouth, and you have two fingers up his ass, and you're about to have some fantastic sex. Saying it, hearing it, doesn't usually make Richie's stomach flutter. It does now. He hasn't felt that in a long time.
But Carmy says it, and he can't not say it back.
"Yeah." He pushes his fingers in deeper. In and out, screwing into him. "Yeah. I love you too, cousin." And he kisses Carmy as well, which makes the fluttery feeling worse. He wants to come and he wants to cry, but most of all he wants Carmen Berzatto.
"Okay. I need to, uh, be inside you now." Richie pulls his hand out, and takes hold of his lubed up dick instead. Snubs the head against Carmy's hole and pushes forward a little bit before either of them can try and stop themselves. "Oh fuck. Oh fuck, that's good."
Carmy has no fucking intention of stopping him, gaze avid — sure, there's sensation for him, hot friction and pressure, but the advantage of nutting early is he can put it aside a little bit and watch Richie, the interesting movement of his face, the tension in his brow and jaw.
"Hey," he murmurs, "Yeah, get it in me. Stay with me, though." Kind of projecting, because he doesn't wanna dissociate out of this terrifyingly intimate little moment. "I got you, c'mon, that's it. Deep. Fuck."
He has to swallow hard, take a shaky breath as he's penetrated. Last time, high on adrenaline and with the insane position, the rough entry had been hot; here he has to breathe through it, make himself relax so he can take more. Then suddenly it becomes good, like getting a deep itch scratched, and he grunts a garbled affirmative and arcs for it. "Richie," he murmurs, hands on his neck and face and shoulders, sculpting him or checking he's real. "Richie, Richie." Out of invective and encouragement, one thought left.
It's good, it's so good, hot and slicked up from the fancy lube, even better than it was in the walk in. Somehow it feels different, even though it's essentially the same, somehow more intimate this way with Carmy underneath him totally naked, skin against skin almost everywhere. Like they're actually fucking this time. Or making love.
"Jesus," he says, in response to that thought and the whole situation. He sets his forearms either side of Carmy and settles himself into it, between Carmy's thighs, rocking up into his body in deep, careful thrusts, ducking his head to breathe hot against the side of Carmy's throat. Kisses him over his pulse point. "Cousin. Carmen. You feel so good inside."
He can't keep it slow for very long. Animal need starts to take over; he starts to pick up speed, making the futon creak, little slaps of his body against Carmy's, groaning. Faster, faster.
"Fuck. Fuck, it's so good. I don't want it to stop. Carm. Oh, fuck."
"Yeah yeah yeah," Carmy agrees, heat flaring in his stomach at the way Richie is starting to fuck him. Bright blue focus, still, his hand mapping the movement of muscles in Richie's shoulders and back as he thrusts away. This is what he wants to go forever, this intimacy and freedom to just touch.
"You're gonna fuck the cum right out of me, cuz," he tells him, filthy nonsense just because if either of them talk about love again Carmy's going to cry. "You're so fucking good at this. I wanna feel you dripping out of me again."
Though he's not immune to his own words; this is a bad angle to jack off, but he can suck in his stomach and slip a hand between to palm over it, squeeze. "Yeah," he says again suddenly, words stolen, only junk noises left. "Richie, please."
The feeling of Carmen's hand between them as he tries to touch himself is unexpectedly erotic. Richie lets out a ragged noise into the cup of Carmy's ear, dropping his head to nuzzle into him for a moment before he lifts away again. He reaches back to paw a hand over Carmy's thigh and down to his knee, encouraging his legs up higher, shifting his weight back onto his knees and digging in his toes.
"Gonna fuck you so good, cousin," he says, just as messed up about it as Carmy, feeling the sweat breaking and running down his back as he does as he's promised, hands planted on the mattress. He looks down into Carmy's eyes, then down further to watch him jerk himself off, feeling a little dizzy at the sight of their bodies joining.
"Look at that, fuck." Breathless, awed. "We look good."
Carmy whines, nearly brains Richie trying to look, presses their heads close as he curls forward and watches what he can of Richie between his legs. He doesn't really get it, drops back to look at Richie's face again instead, breathing hard.
'Let's just do this," he says, truly out of his mind now because fucking doesn't pay the bills. Running a restaurant barely pays the bills. Renovating a restaurant creates the bills. "Fuck cooking, I'm just gonna be your full time cum dumpster, okay?" He'd be just as good at it, and he feels better in this moment than he has in, maybe ever. "God, it feels so good right there, what the fuck."
He doesn't have a thorough understanding of the magic of the prostate, either, but this angle has Richie snubbing up and across it more often than not and it's building something intense in and behind his balls, hungry throbs like he's gotta pee or is gonna cum. He stops saying stupid shit and pulls Richie back down for more kissing, sloppy, mouth skidding over his face and teeth bumping, making wounded noises right into it.
How a guy with so little experience with relationships manages to come up with the idea of being someone's cum dumpster is a mystery for the ages, but Richie's not arguing with it, he kind of loves discovering this weird little cul de sac of filth in Carmy's otherwise regimented mental world. He goes with it, laughter rumbling in his chest along with the groans of pleasure as Carmy shivers and pushes up against him, leaning down to kiss him all messy, biting at his lower lip and mouthing along his jaw.
"Oh fuck, Carmen. Oh fuck." He's unspooling a little himself, curled over him. Shoves his arms up underneath Carmy's shoulders so he's kind of holding him up, curving up into each other and shuddering along the edge together.
He fucks him in awkward stutters as release builds, pulled along by the noises Carmy is making underneath him and the convulsive clenching of his inner walls. It's hard work but Richie can't stop now he's found a good angle for both of them.
"Carmy, I'm gonna come," he manages to rasp out, half whispering it for some reason. Clumsily kissing the side of Carmy's neck, his ear. "Gonna come inside you, fuck, oh fuck --"
He straightens up a bit, plants a hand on one of Carmy's tits, hips rabbiting as he fucks him hard and fast, groaning loudly without a care for whoever Carmy's neighbours are, without a care for anything really except the need to come. An eyeblink vision of Carmy losing himself underneath him is all it takes and he's spilling out into him in heavy shudders, smacking into his body and grinding up against him, coming so hard he forgets to breathe for a bit and feels a little like he's about to pass out, all static pleasure from his head to his balls. Then he whoops in a breath, croaks out a "fuck" and subsides on top of Carmy, trembling and shuddering.
Holy shit is right. This is like nothing he's ever felt; being stimulated in ways he didn't know he could be stimulated. It feels like he's already coming. He likes it, feeling Richie use his body to wring an orgasm out, but unlike the walk-in there's no discomfort, no paranoid ear out for coworkers. They're both making noise and he doesn't care, doesn't give a shit if his neighbours hear him grunting his, "Oh, oh, fuck, yes, Richie," kinda shit on each thrust.
He's clinging, blunt nails clawing at Richie's back, maybe not cutting him up but he might be pinked up after. He has the vague thought he should be doing more to get Richie off, not sure how or what, when he whispers hot into his ear and he lets go of that urge, just keeps doing what he's doing, colliding them until Richie comes apart over him noisily. Beautiful. Perfect. "I love you," he says, because hearing that in the immediate aftermath had been better than the orgasm, "I love you."
And that does it for him, too. Carmy's orgasm feels more like melting, and it's so messy, squirt after squirt over his chest and between them, he's pretty sure he shoots himself in the face a couple of times but he's too overcome to notice. He pulls in a jagged breath, arching, putting his face into Richie's skin and neck as he tries to get even closer because this feels like a panic attack or like he's going to cry even if it's so so good.
A long, low groan and he flops back hard onto the futon, Richie collapsing over him. It shakes at the end like a laugh, and he finally opens his eyes again, hazy, awed. A little wet. Holy shit says Richie and Carmy bites his shoulder, kisses there after. Still clutching him close.
In the aftermath it's kind of confusing, but not in a way that Richie feels like he needs to worry about. He just lets things happen, half-collapsed on top of Carmy, nudging soft and blurry kisses over the side of his throat. His body feels really good; he groans with overstimulated pleasure whenever Carmy moves. Chuckles low in the back of his throat, stoned on the post-orgasmic high, on the smell and taste of Carmy.
"Fuck," he says again. "Love you, cousin."
He stirs a little bit, thinks about the fact that he should probably pull out and stop crushing Carmy's balls. But he's good where he is, really. Instead, he drops another kiss on Carmy's shoulder and laughs again.
"Fuck! That was really good." A realisation. He lifts his head to look into Carmy's face. "Hey, did you come again? Like, twice?"
Carmy blinks at him, too flushed still for embarrassment to really register on his skin. "Yeah?" he says, rolls his eyes because he knows that's going to make Richie smug. But it's not like he can hide the evidence. "Shut up," he says instead, in advance. Will shut Richie up himself, if he has to. Doesn't show any signs of wanting him out from between his legs, though.
Carmy's fears are immediately realised as a wide and undoubtably smug grin slides across Richie's face. He is completely delighted.
"I gave you fucking multiple orgasms, bro." He paps Carmy's shoulder with a fist for emphasis. Yeah, he's not going to shut up about this. Though he also can't tell anyone, so he makes up for it by leaning in to kiss Carmy before he can be shoved away or told to shut up again.
"Fuck completely off," Carmy says, but then he's being kissed, and despite how concerning it is that this is gonna go to Richie's head, he does feel really good. He did get to come twice.
"The first was just clearing the pipes," he mutters sullenly. Had to get off to bring his brain back into line, so they could have a good time. If this had been a date with a girl he would have done it before she showed up.
But he likes seeing Richie happy, proud of himself. So: "You did good," he cedes reluctantly. Not looking at him Tatted up hand trailing idly through the short buzz of his hair at the back of his neck. "I get all zen and shit when you fuck me, who the fuck knows why."
None of it is enough to pop Richie's bubble; he's too happy right here, even if he's starting to feel the post-nut clarity coming in with a reminder that he's sticky and sweaty and all the activity has twinged up an old ache in his back. He laughs a bit though, leans in to kiss Carmy's cheek and his temple.
"Fuck you. Maybe we should have just stuck something up your ass years ago and saved you from one or two of those mental breakdowns, cuz."
Skidding lightly around something he should probably be more serious about, but maybe the context will save him. Richie shifts a little bit, starts to pull out, wet dick dragging over Carmy's thigh as he rolls sideways and collapses with a groan into the space at the edge of the futon.
Maybe it's better, to have someone say shit like that to him instead of eggshelling around it — it still hurts. He resists the urge to turn that feeling into a big deal, to retreat into blame. What's the fucking point. Instead he rolls onto his side, following Richie like there's a string joining them.
"Oh shit, are you all worn out?" He sits himself up, sideways on one hip and the heel of his hand, cum still slipping over his flushed skin. "You fuckin' tired, old man?" Grinning, something light about him even as the oxytocin wears off. Carmy, meanwhile, hops up to his feet, to prove how completely not tired he is. Ignores the ache in his thighs and ass, goes to reach inside the bathroom door for a mostly clean handtowel and grabs his cigarettes, wiping himself off with the former as he teeths a smoke out of the pack and comes back to the bed. "Those some grey hairs I see, cuz?" he adds, though he can't really see shit in this light.
"Fuck off, dickhead. I'm a perfect fucking specimen."
He doesn't begrudge Carmy his inhuman ability to recover so quickly, mostly because he got to watch that ass walk across the room and enjoy the thought that all the cum glistening on his skin, on that flat belly and those big thighs, is from something he did. It's a vision of Biblical proportions.
When Carmy comes back, he holds up a hand for the towel or a cigarette or both, assuming like always that his cousin is going to share whatever he has.
"Come sit on my dick and see how tired I am. As if you fucking deserve it."
Carmy drops down to a knee, and he doesn't actually plan to start up another round, but he does straddle one of Richie's thighs. Lights the cigarette, passes it off to Richie. Occupies himself wiping them up like it's an end of shift clean, quick and brutal. "You're not bad," he admits, lashes lowered so Richie can't catch the sincerity there, how he's obsessed with Richie's body for no particular reason except it's Richie's. Still a hint of amused teeth. "Y'know, for an old guy."
"Fuck you. Fucking baby." Without much heat; it's just rote for them now. Richie takes a long drag on the cigarette, letting his head tip back on the pillows, enjoying the clinical swipes of Carmy's attention on his dick and belly. The dry burn of the nicotine sands down some of the raw edges inside his chest. He exhales smoke into the rippling rain-smeared light and offers it back to Carmen.
Carmy thinks of a woman at group the other day, something she'd said about grasping happiness. God, imagine knowing how to recognize happiness, knowing how to reach out your hands.
Little bob of the Adam's apple, before he takes the cigarette. "Um. I'd like to." He'd really like to. He's not sure yet, if it's good for him or not, and it's sure as fuck going to be bad for business, Richie is already constantly in the fucking way. "Do you, would you be into that?" Three for three on him just saying stuff without the thorns, getting laid really does improve his personality.
It's different enough from how Carmy was before that Richie recognises it, at least a little. Nice to see him softer, thoughtful. Maybe even -- dare he even consider it -- relaxed. Richie idles his hand up the side of Carmy's knee, stroking his fingers over him in small circles while he looks up at him.
"I'd be into it. It's crazy, but.. I'm into it." He clears his throat, thinking and trying not to think about his best friend's kid brother and how he's sitting on him naked and how much he wants to kiss him again, and the vagaries of a strange and cold universe that's lead them to this place.
"I like.." He starts. Stops. Starts again. "I love you, cuz. And as it turns out I like making you feel good."
"Yeah. Same." Carmy is nodding. That's the vibe: this is crazy, but he loves Richie and he loves how this feels between them. How he feels right now, centered and — in tune with someone else in a way that reduces loneliness and drowns out the self-hatred, a little.
Another drag of the cigarette, exhaling noisily, hunched forward a little. "I think about you. I've thought about you a lot." Not just horny, gasping thoughts, either; Richie has so much potential for elevation, it's there in his steady hands and the way he is with customers, the way he wants to fix things. The adherence to system, even if it's a shitty system. He thinks about Richie in his kitchen, collaborative instead of combatative.
He passes the cigarette back to Richie and smooths a hand over his hipbone. Sniffs a little. "I ruined six pieces of wagyu, thinking about you." (Ruined, like Richie didn't get to eat all of them.)
Reaching out, Richie takes the cigarette in one hand and puts the other over Carmen's, then turns it to lace their fingers together. Looking down his body, watching himself do it like he's just a spectator to the act and a little surprised to see it happening.
"I don't want to.. uh. I don't want to ruin anything." Keeps his gaze on their hands joined together, so he doesn't have to look up into those blue eyes. Doesn't have to think too much about what he's saying, or why he's saying it. Just lets the truth come out, because his cousin deserves the truth.
"I know I'm not. Good. Not good news. And I know we've had our differences and we fight because I'm a fucking asshole and you're a fucking asshole. But I don't want to fuck it up in a way that's not going to be.. you know, fixable."
A little hitch of breath on fucking asshole that is, despite how easy it would be to hear upset, kind of a laugh. Yeah. His hand goes tight on Richie's, and he has to take a moment to wrestle with a wash of feeling, wait for it to subside before he can speak.
"Yo," he says quietly. "What the fuck are you talking about. You're good." That's what he's got, kind of furious that Richie doesn't see it even as he completely gets it, given he needs cooking as the external metric of his value. "You're great. Don't say that shit."
Lying there and smoking, then he gets kind of indignant at being told what he's not allowed to express, because he's emotional and a little raw and he never likes being told to put a lid on his emotions.
"I can say that shit, cuz. I get to say that shit. Don't tell me what I can't say about myself, I'm emotionally aware of my own fucking shit, okay."
He glances around, ashes the cigarette into a coffee mug sitting on the floor, then offers it back to Carmy before he finishes it. Studies Carmy kind of out of the corner of his eye, as if afraid of looking at him square on and what that might make him do, then turns his hand to lift Carmy's up and brings it up to his mouth so he can kiss, reverently, the ragged scar across Carmy's palm.
"I'm just saying, cousin, maybe that's not really emotional awareness so much as—" he starts, and then stutters to a stop, words dying in his throat. His hand, the scar. Sugar on the phone, his heart stopping, the burner and the pot. Knowing they wouldn't give him the time to go back to Chicago for the funeral. The cigarette is just gonna singe his fingers a little without ever making it to his mouth; he stubs it out absently, staring at Richie.
"I've been going to meetings," he says abruptly. "Uh, this AA group, Sug hooked me up with, and mostly - mostly what I've learned is that I am not, remotely, as emotionally aware of my own fucking shit as I thought I was. So." He presses his lips together for a beat, relents. "I just meant, I hate hearing you really talk trash about yourself."
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He likes being nose to nose, not quite kissing, just studying the expression in the shadow of Richie's eyes as he feels fingers probe somewhere hot and personal. He's getting hard again, far more for the romance than the ass touching. "You make me feel really good," he whispers. Arcs his hips up a little, plants his heel, holds there with his abdomen taut. There's less tension inside him though, muscles going hot and loose and inviting for Richie's hand as Carmy"s lashes flutter. "You.. know I love you too, right?"
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But Carmy says it, and he can't not say it back.
"Yeah." He pushes his fingers in deeper. In and out, screwing into him. "Yeah. I love you too, cousin." And he kisses Carmy as well, which makes the fluttery feeling worse. He wants to come and he wants to cry, but most of all he wants Carmen Berzatto.
"Okay. I need to, uh, be inside you now." Richie pulls his hand out, and takes hold of his lubed up dick instead. Snubs the head against Carmy's hole and pushes forward a little bit before either of them can try and stop themselves. "Oh fuck. Oh fuck, that's good."
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"Hey," he murmurs, "Yeah, get it in me. Stay with me, though." Kind of projecting, because he doesn't wanna dissociate out of this terrifyingly intimate little moment. "I got you, c'mon, that's it. Deep. Fuck."
He has to swallow hard, take a shaky breath as he's penetrated. Last time, high on adrenaline and with the insane position, the rough entry had been hot; here he has to breathe through it, make himself relax so he can take more. Then suddenly it becomes good, like getting a deep itch scratched, and he grunts a garbled affirmative and arcs for it. "Richie," he murmurs, hands on his neck and face and shoulders, sculpting him or checking he's real. "Richie, Richie." Out of invective and encouragement, one thought left.
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It's good, it's so good, hot and slicked up from the fancy lube, even better than it was in the walk in. Somehow it feels different, even though it's essentially the same, somehow more intimate this way with Carmy underneath him totally naked, skin against skin almost everywhere. Like they're actually fucking this time. Or making love.
"Jesus," he says, in response to that thought and the whole situation. He sets his forearms either side of Carmy and settles himself into it, between Carmy's thighs, rocking up into his body in deep, careful thrusts, ducking his head to breathe hot against the side of Carmy's throat. Kisses him over his pulse point. "Cousin. Carmen. You feel so good inside."
He can't keep it slow for very long. Animal need starts to take over; he starts to pick up speed, making the futon creak, little slaps of his body against Carmy's, groaning. Faster, faster.
"Fuck. Fuck, it's so good. I don't want it to stop. Carm. Oh, fuck."
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"You're gonna fuck the cum right out of me, cuz," he tells him, filthy nonsense just because if either of them talk about love again Carmy's going to cry. "You're so fucking good at this. I wanna feel you dripping out of me again."
Though he's not immune to his own words; this is a bad angle to jack off, but he can suck in his stomach and slip a hand between to palm over it, squeeze. "Yeah," he says again suddenly, words stolen, only junk noises left. "Richie, please."
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"Gonna fuck you so good, cousin," he says, just as messed up about it as Carmy, feeling the sweat breaking and running down his back as he does as he's promised, hands planted on the mattress. He looks down into Carmy's eyes, then down further to watch him jerk himself off, feeling a little dizzy at the sight of their bodies joining.
"Look at that, fuck." Breathless, awed. "We look good."
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'Let's just do this," he says, truly out of his mind now because fucking doesn't pay the bills. Running a restaurant barely pays the bills. Renovating a restaurant creates the bills. "Fuck cooking, I'm just gonna be your full time cum dumpster, okay?" He'd be just as good at it, and he feels better in this moment than he has in, maybe ever. "God, it feels so good right there, what the fuck."
He doesn't have a thorough understanding of the magic of the prostate, either, but this angle has Richie snubbing up and across it more often than not and it's building something intense in and behind his balls, hungry throbs like he's gotta pee or is gonna cum. He stops saying stupid shit and pulls Richie back down for more kissing, sloppy, mouth skidding over his face and teeth bumping, making wounded noises right into it.
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"Oh fuck, Carmen. Oh fuck." He's unspooling a little himself, curled over him. Shoves his arms up underneath Carmy's shoulders so he's kind of holding him up, curving up into each other and shuddering along the edge together.
He fucks him in awkward stutters as release builds, pulled along by the noises Carmy is making underneath him and the convulsive clenching of his inner walls. It's hard work but Richie can't stop now he's found a good angle for both of them.
"Carmy, I'm gonna come," he manages to rasp out, half whispering it for some reason. Clumsily kissing the side of Carmy's neck, his ear. "Gonna come inside you, fuck, oh fuck --"
He straightens up a bit, plants a hand on one of Carmy's tits, hips rabbiting as he fucks him hard and fast, groaning loudly without a care for whoever Carmy's neighbours are, without a care for anything really except the need to come. An eyeblink vision of Carmy losing himself underneath him is all it takes and he's spilling out into him in heavy shudders, smacking into his body and grinding up against him, coming so hard he forgets to breathe for a bit and feels a little like he's about to pass out, all static pleasure from his head to his balls. Then he whoops in a breath, croaks out a "fuck" and subsides on top of Carmy, trembling and shuddering.
"Fuck.. fucking.. Holy shit."
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He's clinging, blunt nails clawing at Richie's back, maybe not cutting him up but he might be pinked up after. He has the vague thought he should be doing more to get Richie off, not sure how or what, when he whispers hot into his ear and he lets go of that urge, just keeps doing what he's doing, colliding them until Richie comes apart over him noisily. Beautiful. Perfect. "I love you," he says, because hearing that in the immediate aftermath had been better than the orgasm, "I love you."
And that does it for him, too. Carmy's orgasm feels more like melting, and it's so messy, squirt after squirt over his chest and between them, he's pretty sure he shoots himself in the face a couple of times but he's too overcome to notice. He pulls in a jagged breath, arching, putting his face into Richie's skin and neck as he tries to get even closer because this feels like a panic attack or like he's going to cry even if it's so so good.
A long, low groan and he flops back hard onto the futon, Richie collapsing over him. It shakes at the end like a laugh, and he finally opens his eyes again, hazy, awed. A little wet. Holy shit says Richie and Carmy bites his shoulder, kisses there after. Still clutching him close.
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"Fuck," he says again. "Love you, cousin."
He stirs a little bit, thinks about the fact that he should probably pull out and stop crushing Carmy's balls. But he's good where he is, really. Instead, he drops another kiss on Carmy's shoulder and laughs again.
"Fuck! That was really good." A realisation. He lifts his head to look into Carmy's face. "Hey, did you come again? Like, twice?"
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"I gave you fucking multiple orgasms, bro." He paps Carmy's shoulder with a fist for emphasis. Yeah, he's not going to shut up about this. Though he also can't tell anyone, so he makes up for it by leaning in to kiss Carmy before he can be shoved away or told to shut up again.
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"The first was just clearing the pipes," he mutters sullenly. Had to get off to bring his brain back into line, so they could have a good time. If this had been a date with a girl he would have done it before she showed up.
But he likes seeing Richie happy, proud of himself. So: "You did good," he cedes reluctantly. Not looking at him Tatted up hand trailing idly through the short buzz of his hair at the back of his neck. "I get all zen and shit when you fuck me, who the fuck knows why."
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"Fuck you. Maybe we should have just stuck something up your ass years ago and saved you from one or two of those mental breakdowns, cuz."
Skidding lightly around something he should probably be more serious about, but maybe the context will save him. Richie shifts a little bit, starts to pull out, wet dick dragging over Carmy's thigh as he rolls sideways and collapses with a groan into the space at the edge of the futon.
"Next time we go slower maybe."
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"Oh shit, are you all worn out?" He sits himself up, sideways on one hip and the heel of his hand, cum still slipping over his flushed skin. "You fuckin' tired, old man?" Grinning, something light about him even as the oxytocin wears off. Carmy, meanwhile, hops up to his feet, to prove how completely not tired he is. Ignores the ache in his thighs and ass, goes to reach inside the bathroom door for a mostly clean handtowel and grabs his cigarettes, wiping himself off with the former as he teeths a smoke out of the pack and comes back to the bed. "Those some grey hairs I see, cuz?" he adds, though he can't really see shit in this light.
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He doesn't begrudge Carmy his inhuman ability to recover so quickly, mostly because he got to watch that ass walk across the room and enjoy the thought that all the cum glistening on his skin, on that flat belly and those big thighs, is from something he did. It's a vision of Biblical proportions.
When Carmy comes back, he holds up a hand for the towel or a cigarette or both, assuming like always that his cousin is going to share whatever he has.
"Come sit on my dick and see how tired I am. As if you fucking deserve it."
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"So we're gonna keep doing this?"
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Little bob of the Adam's apple, before he takes the cigarette. "Um. I'd like to." He'd really like to. He's not sure yet, if it's good for him or not, and it's sure as fuck going to be bad for business, Richie is already constantly in the fucking way. "Do you, would you be into that?" Three for three on him just saying stuff without the thorns, getting laid really does improve his personality.
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"I'd be into it. It's crazy, but.. I'm into it." He clears his throat, thinking and trying not to think about his best friend's kid brother and how he's sitting on him naked and how much he wants to kiss him again, and the vagaries of a strange and cold universe that's lead them to this place.
"I like.." He starts. Stops. Starts again. "I love you, cuz. And as it turns out I like making you feel good."
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Another drag of the cigarette, exhaling noisily, hunched forward a little. "I think about you. I've thought about you a lot." Not just horny, gasping thoughts, either; Richie has so much potential for elevation, it's there in his steady hands and the way he is with customers, the way he wants to fix things. The adherence to system, even if it's a shitty system. He thinks about Richie in his kitchen, collaborative instead of combatative.
He passes the cigarette back to Richie and smooths a hand over his hipbone. Sniffs a little. "I ruined six pieces of wagyu, thinking about you." (Ruined, like Richie didn't get to eat all of them.)
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"I don't want to.. uh. I don't want to ruin anything." Keeps his gaze on their hands joined together, so he doesn't have to look up into those blue eyes. Doesn't have to think too much about what he's saying, or why he's saying it. Just lets the truth come out, because his cousin deserves the truth.
"I know I'm not. Good. Not good news. And I know we've had our differences and we fight because I'm a fucking asshole and you're a fucking asshole. But I don't want to fuck it up in a way that's not going to be.. you know, fixable."
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"Yo," he says quietly. "What the fuck are you talking about. You're good." That's what he's got, kind of furious that Richie doesn't see it even as he completely gets it, given he needs cooking as the external metric of his value. "You're great. Don't say that shit."
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"I can say that shit, cuz. I get to say that shit. Don't tell me what I can't say about myself, I'm emotionally aware of my own fucking shit, okay."
He glances around, ashes the cigarette into a coffee mug sitting on the floor, then offers it back to Carmy before he finishes it. Studies Carmy kind of out of the corner of his eye, as if afraid of looking at him square on and what that might make him do, then turns his hand to lift Carmy's up and brings it up to his mouth so he can kiss, reverently, the ragged scar across Carmy's palm.
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"I've been going to meetings," he says abruptly. "Uh, this AA group, Sug hooked me up with, and mostly - mostly what I've learned is that I am not, remotely, as emotionally aware of my own fucking shit as I thought I was. So." He presses his lips together for a beat, relents. "I just meant, I hate hearing you really talk trash about yourself."
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